Ladies, SB here!
For those of you who do not know me well, let me just tell you that I hate writing with a passion. Not only do I hate writing, but to write something on being single would make it in the top five of my “things I hate the most” list. Nevertheless, God has a sense of humor and pushes us outside of our comfort zones. So, here it goes!
It’s that month again, the month that all single people dread… the month of LOVE. I am 26 and have never dated anyone. The great part about it is that most days (I’ll say 99.5%) I am completely okay with it. Now, before you start thinking that I am a weirdo who doesn’t want to get married, let me stop you right there. My dream was always to get married at a young age and to grow old with an amazing husband. But sometimes God has different plans then what we want. In my case, His plans were completely different. At first, I was absolutely not okay with the different plan but since then I have had to adjust. I can honestly say that even though I did not want to be single for this long, I wouldn’t change how my life has played out. The more time goes on, the more I realize that God does indeed have a better plan than I do. Yes, I wanted to find a husband young but I realize I would not be the person I am today if I had done so. Even though I wouldn’t change how my life has gone, it doesn’t mean that waiting has been easy, so I wanted to share something that has helped me embrace this single season.
I used to think of the single season as a holding pattern, a season of just waiting to find the right guy so that then life would really begin. That could not be farther from the truth. Being single does not mean you are stuck in a “waiting” season, actually this season for me has become a dream-chasing season. At this time in my life, I don’t have the dreams of a husband to consider or children to think about. The only thing holding me back is myself. I made a decision years ago to live my life to the fullest because when the right guy does come along, he will then be able to join the adventure.
With that being said, I also believe that this is a season for focusing on who you want to be not just what you want to achieve. How many of you girls have a list of all the things you want in a husband? I know I do! But would you meet the expectations you have set for the man of your dreams? I remember once, I was driving and the Holy Spirit asked me, “Sarah, would you live up to your own expectations?” If I were to answer honestly at the time it would have been no. At that moment I knew I needed to stop focusing on the fact that I was single and start focusing on the areas of my life where I could be better. If I want this amazing guy, I should be the amazing girl he is dreaming of. We all have stuff we could be better in and you would be surprised at how time changes when you are not longing for the next chapter but instead living in the here and now.
2. I CHOOSE
One of the most important things I have learned in this season of life is that I choose my reactions, my perspective, and my joy. The longer I am single, the more people feel the need to comment on my life. I am not just talking about family members. I have had people tell me that I am behind in life because I am not married. I have had people tell me I need to change so that then, maybe, I would find someone. And finally as of late, people have questioned if I am a lesbian or not. Although most the time these statement are not meant to be rude, they still hurt. It gives me the impression that because I am single there is something wrong with me. That old saying, “stick and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is so not true. Sometimes, words hurt more than physical pain. When people say things to us that hurt we can choose to let it roll off our backs or let it ruin the rest of our day and maybe even our week. This is when having the Word of God in us is so important. We can repeat to ourselves, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalms 139:14) and “For God so loved the world (that would be YOU!) that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). If we understand what God says about us, it will not matter what everyone else says. Really, it comes down to who we trust more. Do we trust the words of a stranger, family member, or friend more than the Word of God? Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Right there, God declares that He has GOOD plans for us. It does not always appear on the timeline as we would like, but He is God and knows what is best. At a women’s conference, I heard Joyce Meyers say something that has completely changed my thinking. She said, “We only understand life backwards but we live it forward.” Nobody knows what tomorrow holds but God, we just have to trust the path He has us on.
3. WORTH THE WAIT
What are you waiting for? You’ve probably heard that question before, but your answer to it changes everything. What you are waiting for will determine how willing you are to wait. If you are waiting for guy who simply says he loves Jesus and who is willing ask you out, you probably won’t wait very long. But if you are waiting for God’s best, you will hold out until it happens however long it takes. You have to decided what you want or you will just settle for whatever comes when the waiting get too hard. As a photographer, I work with a lot of couples. I used to watch those so in-love couples… you know the ones I am talking about. You would have to be blind not to see how much they love each other. I would become jealous of them. Why did they have a prince charming before me? Fact: Jealousy is not healthy and a tool of the enemy used to destroy you. God, because He is so good, opened my eyes to look at those couples differently. The moment I stopped looking at those couples with jealousy, I saw them as a goal. Every time I want to settle for anything less than the best, I just look at them and remember what I am waiting for.
Really this single season will be made by the perspective you have on it. If you keep telling yourself that you will never find a great guy and that it sucks, then it’s going to suck. But if you are determined to make the most of your singleness, then that’s what will happen. Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue has the power of life and death” and we speak life or death into our own single situations.