About two and a half years ago, I started experiencing minor blind spots in my vision and it was difficult to see in the dark. After praying about what I should do, I felt strongly in my Spirit that it was time to see an eye doctor. I’ve always had excellent vision so I had no idea what to expect or where to begin. I went to an ophthalmologist where I underwent multiple exams and a field vision test. The doctor confirmed the exact blind spots I described and after many questions, he recommended an MRI. I trusted and believed that we would get clear and concise answers.
Four days later, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS). My husband and I were in complete and utter shock. Everything you can imagine went through our heads when the doctor gave the diagnosis. I couldn’t see a way out, I couldn’t understand how this was happening, I didn’t know where to turn and my mind kept meditating on my two children and wondering how I would get through. We sat in the waiting room while tears streamed down my face. Internally, I cried out to Jesus. After the shock wore off, I knew the only thing I could really do was cling to Jesus Christ. I knew I could believe in the impossible, that I could choose to laugh at the MRI. I could believe in what His word says and I could believe truth.
We have had our family and close friends continue to pray for a miraculous healing and to this day I still pray over my treatment before it enters my body. I pray that it will help me and not harm me. I cannot help but laugh at the impact this struggle is making on the lives of the nurses each visit. I can laugh because at this very moment I am experiencing absolutely no symptoms.
Some people get a “word” for their life at the start of a new year and it seems as though the last two years I’ve gotten a song instead. Music has always been something I love and singing (even though I don’t have the best voice) is fun for me. God has used so many Christian songs to speak to my heart. They seem to come at just the perfect time, almost as if God said, “this one is for you.” One song in particular that became my anthem and declaration soon after the diagnosis was “In Jesus’s Name” by Darlene Zschech. The words of that song say, “God is fighting for us, God is on our side. I will live, I will not die, the resurrection power of Christ alive in me and I am free in Jesus’s name.”
I choose to speak life and speak goodness over my body, over my health, over my future. The words we speak have power through Jesus Christ and there is life in what we say (Proverbs 18:21). I’ve always tried to maintain an attitude of faith and hope in the Healer I know as Jehovah Rapha.
In Matthew 7:7 it says, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” There have been plenty of times in this season where I’ve had to actually ask. I’ve asked for an increase of faith, more joy, for hope. Every six months, I have another MRI and I go in trusting and believing for a miraculous healing. I’ve yet to see that healing but I have to keep trusting in Him. I have to remember that by Jesus’ stripes I have already been healed (Isaiah 54:5) spiritually if not physically.
I’ve cried and laughed and cried some more. I’ve asked for more faith and kept my eyes toward Him. I’ve surrounded myself with His word and His love. I’ve grown exponentially in my relationship with Jesus, all because of an ugly diagnosis that was meant to bring me harm and defeat. I know more about who God is and what His word says. It’s become less about seeing a manifestation of healing and more about how I can be used in this season, by making someone smile or laugh in the treatment room, by bringing hope to the hopeless person sitting beside me with the IV in their arm and in a wheelchair.
So I laugh. I laugh at the goodness of God, at the amazing things all around me, at His kindness toward me. I laugh at Satan and his schemes against me because I know that I will not fall. I laugh at the future because I can’t even begin to imagine what God has in store. I laugh because merriment is good medicine and I laugh because I’ve been placed here for such a time as this.
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